I feel compelled to warn you… these flippers are lethal weapons!

Had a good chat with my friend Dobie. He is one of those people that I just click with… he gets me… he understands who I am and what I’m about and I rarely have to explain myself to him. He is a gift to me.

There are significant events going on in both our lives these days and as we talked, some pearls of wisdom emerged that I thought you might like to reflect on for your own spiritual journey.

Get to a healthy place.

Physically / emotionally / psychologically / spiritually. Most often, we know when we’re in an unhealthy space… the hard part is deciding that we need to make a change. What paralyzes us is the fear of what will be required to make that change.

Even situations of dis-health can feel comfortable and/or safe… but change is unknown and intimidating because… well… it’s unknown. Be courageous enough to change your context and put yourself in a place or space where you can heal.

Change your expectations.

We suffer because our expectations aren’t being met. Very often, that’s because we have the wrong expectations. Whether it is people who let us down or circumstances that didn’t pan out, we feel hurt or disappointment because we anticipated different outcomes.

Have you had enough hurt or disappointment already? Maybe you need to change your expectations. I know I do.

In this particular case, I have set the bar too high. So when reality didn’t come close to meeting my anticipated outcomes, I have felt pain and sadness. I am tired of feeling that way. I can’t control the situation [silly that I ever thought I could!] so I’m trying to let go of what I thought should happen and be more willing to respond with Whatever.

If they didn’t get it then,
they probably won’t get it now.

Even with one final very eloquently worded appeal, your message still may not be heard by the ones who need to hear it.

It’s kind of a romantic notion to think about leaving after getting in the last word. Speak your peace and ride off into the sunset… leave everyone’s jaws gaping to the floor because they were utterly speechless and unable to find adequate words to respond to your final wisdom.

* * Dream on! Both of us! * *

Probably isn’t going to happen that way. One last ditch effort to enlighten / clue-them-in / provide clarity or understanding / teach / shake-rattle-and-roll will likely fall on deaf ears or disbelieving hearts. Sometimes the best-last-word is no word.

This last pearl of great price caught my attention after I hung up with Dobie.

Pick yourself.

Don’t wait for the world to pick you based on your qualifications / education / credentials / experience / talent / knowledge / skills / connections or any other benchmark that you allow yourself to be judged by.

Pick yourself based on who you know yourself to be and what positive contribution you want to make to the world. And then go change the world.

By not picking yourself, you give all your power to “them”… whoever “them” are in your world.

Picking yourself brings back your power and places the privilege of carving your path into your hands.

[Do it yourself... rather than relying on someone else to set the course... because they won't do it how you wanted anyway... unmet expectations... suffering... vicious cycle...]

So pick yourself and lead the way.

It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain.

John 15:16

What a comfort to know that while we were seeking God, God was already seeking us. God thought I was worthy enough to be chosen. So I must be worthy enough to choose myself.

Pearl of great price!

I’m letting you into a part of my soul that I don’t often share… with anyone. So it’s either inspired courage or incredible stupidity that I would put this out into the cybersphere.

Journeys are either about moving from or moving to. Most often, they are about both.

Sometimes we choose to make the journey. Other times we just get swept up in the tide of life. Almost always, it’s the ebb and flow of choice and coincidence that gets us to move.

And then, there’s the attitude of the journey. Depending on where you are on the spectrum between To-and-From and Choice-and-Coincidence, the journey is jammed with emotion ranging all the way from joy to resistance. All over the map. Cycling back over and over.

‘Allo. My name is Elaine Menardi. You killed my spirit. Prepare to die.

I have spent a good chunk of time and energy these past months jumping over fences. On one side of the fence is safety / self-confidence / steadfastness. On the other side is fear / restlessness / more fear. I have been paralyzed. [Literally... my spirit has been paralyzed... which makes it hard to imagine jumping over fences.]

I have been living in the dark caves just off to the side of the Cliffs of Insanity (<– click).

Who am I talking to?

Lizard-Brain.

The voice of the Resistance. It lives in my head somewhere between my neocortex and medula oblongata. It frequently shouts things like:

There is absolutely no way that crazy idea is going to work. Ever.

You will look stupid for even trying… and people will laugh.
[Oh yes Ray... people will laugh... at you!]

Don’t waste your time!

Unfortunately, there are a lot of real voices around me affirming Lizard-Brain’s vicious words.

And I’ve been listening to them. Too much. The voices and the words have beaten me down / crushed my spirit / paralyzed me with fear. The fear of the journey. The fear of not knowing how to get from Here-to-There.

You see… I have this point on the horizon that I’m aiming toward. Like a ship’s captain, I have set my compass and am working to maneuver my sails just so… to get me going that direction.

But there’s a void at my feet. Not simply uncharted waters or an overgrown path or even a deeply plunging crevasse.

A gaping void… of nothing-ness. And I don’t know how to cross it. Not a clue.

So I’ve felt paralyzed. That’s really the only good word I can give you.

Like a fever that suddenly breaks its death-grip on an achy body, my paralysis lifted the other day. I’m not a doctor but I feel like breaking fevers are a sign that the body is healing. So I’m going with the idea that my spirit is healing too. [If you're a doctor, please don't leave a comment and burst my bubble. I need this right now.]

The Stare-Down

We had a staring contest. Lizard-Brain blinked first!

I didn’t win because I came up with some great plan to get from Here-to-There. [I wish!]

I won because I ‘fessed up to the fear of not knowing how to even think of a plan. I simply said… Lizard-Brain, I’m afraid you might have me beat on this one.

The fever broke. The paralysis lifted. I could feel movement again. The edges of my soul started tingling with sensation. It has been quiet for too long.

I still don’t actually know how to get from Here-to-There. But I do know that some way / somehow it is possible. Will be possible.

So I’m working on eating the elephant… one bite at a time. [Not a real elephant of course... that would be a crazy idea.]

It’s been a really hard week. Things have been said and implications made that gurgle in my soul like bad food in my belly and the bitter taste in my mouth that no amount of tooth-brushing can drive away.

Way more than my all-encompassing phrase Aren’t-people-funny? can touch. But honestly that’s the best response I can come up with in order to force myself beyond the hurt. Aren’t people funny? Saying it over and over helps me to forgive.

And then I watched The Big Bang Theory last night… Sheldon and Leonard met one of their childhood idols… Professor Proton! It was a great funny episode. I just think those screenwriters are about brilliant.

Science Nerd Emerges from Hiding

Every time I watch that show I reconnect with the science nerd in me. And while some people label me as strategic, I think it’s just the Spock-logical side of my brain that they see kicking into gear. Which is actually not something that you witness very often in Catholic-ministry-world. Not a whole lot of scientists leave science and go into ministry. A few… but not a lot. [I guess that makes us an anomaly.]

As I’ve been wrestling with the challenges of the week, wondering what / if there has been purpose in this journey of late, I began thinking about science experiments. Professor Proton did the classic physics / chemistry test on television last night to see whether the egg drops through the small mouth of the bottle. [Google it to find out how a burning candle creates enough air pressure to suck it in!]

One Big Experiment

This has been one long 24-year experiment!

Here’s the Scientific Method in a nutshell… just in case you forgot:

1. Hypothesis
2. Testing
3. Data Analysis
4. Conclusion

Captain Kirk was one of my childhood idols!

I stepped into the ministry world 24 years ago. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it is every bit as unique as Comic-Con or a Trekkie convention.

Hypothesis: If I surrender myself and let God use my gifts and talents, can we actually change the world for good?

Testing: Research methods employed will be one-on-one / small groups / large groups / clergy and lay people / local and national circles across all types of subject matter. In short, highly varied and extremely unpredictable. Research phase to be no less than 5 years. [That was the original commitment we made when we left corporate-world to go to Catholic-world.]

Data Analysis: Ongoing. The experiment is now in Phase 4 of data collection with only a few weeks remaining.

Conclusion: Early indicators are proving the hypothesis to be true on all counts with several unanticipated corollaries.

Can we actually change the world for good? The bottom line answer is: Yes. However, these caveats apply:

Every skill / talent / piece of knowledge and trivia / understanding / insight / hat you’ve ever worn will be required to complete even the simplest task. You must give freely.

You will be challenged and maximumly stretched farther than you could have ever imagined… significantly out of your your safety zone and comfort zone. You will not return to your original shape; there will be stretch marks.

More times than not, people will not understand you or what you are doing. Sometimes, they won’t be ready to receive you or the gifts you have to give them. Even the ones who think they “get it”, likely don’t… they don’t know that they don’t know. And you’ll have to just keep doing what you’re doing hoping that they will eventually understand who you were and what you offered at the time.

For Love of the Theory

The experiment only works if you go into it for the love of testing the theory… because there are no immediate rewards or visible results. It is truly all about planting the seeds and patiently waiting in the field to see sprouts coming up in the dirt. And yes, it is dirt… muddy / sticky / bad-smelling muck.

My experiment is almost completed. I’ve got another one on the drawing board that I’m eager to start. I’m on the Road-to-Awesome!

[Read Jon Acuff's new book: Start.]

The events in our lives are often marked by memories that are seared right into the deepest part of our psyches. Especially dramatic events… not just those that are tragic or traumatic… but also those events filled with joy and happiness. Without the collection of memories and mental pictures, life would feel shallow and perhaps, un-lived.

I rely on memories to help me frame the context of when life events occurred and who I was at the time. Do you remember where you were…

when Challenger exploded…

Space Shuttle Challenger disintegrated after 73 seconds of flight on January 28, 1986. I was eating a bagel and yogurt  in the student center at Colorado School of Mines during my senior year of engineering school. Being a science nerd, I was glued to the large screen television broadcast of the launch.

I remember the shock and sadness of watching the events unfold in real time.  It was a blow to me personally as well as to the whole science world… and every one of us at Mines felt the huge loss of the brilliant scientific minds that perished that day.

on 9/11…

I was hobbling on crutches at home after an ankle surgery when my sister called and frantically shouted: Don’t worry… Jeff’s okay… he was playing golf with a client in New Jersey.

What? I was an hour-time-zone-west-of-her… two hours removed from my brother’s… too early to have a television blaring… I had no idea what she was talking about. She screamed this time: Turn on the news!!

Oh my…

On a normal day, my brother Jeff would have been either in one of the Trade Centers or in his office about 4 blocks away.

Terror… devastation… horror… I watched in real time as the plane hit the second tower. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Like all of us, I was forever changed.

as bombs blasted the Boston Marathon…

I was at lunch with my two bosses handing them my letter of resignation. Above us was a large screen television showing the first explosion on Boylston Street… the panic… and then the second explosion. It was Tax Day.

Significant moments in my own life have been marked by huge world events. Yours too. We will likely always remember where we were and what we were doing when these things happened.

So what does it mean?

You’ll have to decide for yourself.

But for me… it’s a reminder that I belong to something much bigger than myself… that the world does not revolve around me… I am not at the center of the universe nor are my issues and problems.

It’s about perspective. It’s about shrinking my ego. I can get so caught up in all the details and circumstances that surround my closed-in little world.

But I desire to be someone bigger and to do something bigger. I am unlimited… and finally I am really starting to believe that there is more in store for me. It’s been a challenging climb up my own private Mount Everest.

I am moving to Colorado at the end of June. I have exciting new projects in the works. It is time.

Peace out.

I’m sorry that you are angry with me. I imagine you are hurt because I didn’t trust a secret with you… although surely, you already knew what was happening. I had two intentional reasons.

First… everything in my life came crashing through the wall when your world came to a standstill. When someone you love dies… even when death comes in a visible disguise… there are boundaries that polite society abides. We stood back and gently held you in prayer, hoping that you would feel the weight of our love and concern buoying you up in a time of deep sadness.

i’m off to disrupt more status quo!

At the time, there was no room to add another emotional twist into an already jammed life drama.

And by the time that healing was nudging out heartache, I was in the death-grip of discernment. My spiritual director reminds me that sometimes the soul must discern in silence and solitude. Sometimes, it is necessary to walk alone… no matter the kind-hearted desires and intentions of others who want to walk with us.

Ultimately, each person’s journey to God is a singular interiority. It is the living task of life that compels us to seek the strength of community.

The result of the Great Discernment is that I am moving on in a few weeks. This will be an adventure! I’m am very excited for a new future but it is an early and unexpected chapter in my story.

You have often called me strategic… but I’m not calculating or manipulative… it’s just how my brain works. This situation may appear to be about something else to you and others in the office… but it’s really about God’s hand moving me where I need to be… again. Trust me. If I were the one making all the decisions, everything would be working much differently than it is.

My lesson here is trust. And I have every good reason to trust… God has always provided for me. Always.

So prayers all around. If we were to look at the earth from space, we would see a swirling cloud of chaotic humanity… which is exactly what we are. We are blessed. And life will carry on.

Peace.

Sleep eludes me tonight. I think it’s the prednisone. The pharmacist warned me that it might make me jittery so I was advised to take it a few hours before going to bed… but I forgot. So now here I am in the wee hours munching on sweet/sour Clementine oranges and waiting for my Breathe Easy tea to steep.

I’ve been sick for the past week. When I finally wasn’t getting over it, I went to the doctor yesterday and she said “Yep… you’ve got tonsilitis.” Doctors have been trying to take those babies out of me for more than 30 years, but could never quite make up their minds. So today, even though they are each about the same size as my Clementines, I’m keeping them right where they are. I have no desire to be an adult tonsilectomy patient. None. [Thankfully the meds are working.]

Dangerous

This is a dangerous post to write. Dangerous because there will be some readers who will misinterpret it… and then have hurt feelings. And the ones who do interpret it correctly might also have hurt feelings.

So I hesitate to click Publish. But perhaps the message is worth the risk.

If you have never read the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, then I suggest you run right down to your local bookstore, log onto Amazon.com, or find a nearby Target {they have kept it on their bookshelves for many years} and go get a copy. I have about five different versions… each a special new edition with updates, illustrations, anniversary comments and the like. I really like this story… can you tell?

You might first look at it and decide that it’s a nice simple-minded piece of fiction. But look again. It’s about spiritual journeys. Yours and mine. There are whole invisible layers of meaning hiding in the tale of the shepherd boy, Santiago.

Life

What I want to focus on here is one short line: Life attracts life.

To which I add my own thought: Un-life repels life.

[You'll have to read the book to find out what each of those means to Santiago.]

I am at a place and space when I am desperately seeking life. I have found plenty of un-life. It pains me to think that out loud. Now I need to find life… in the same way that Santiago finds life.

All of us gravitate to the people and places and circumstances that fill us with love, joy, peace, confidence and self-worth. When we fall into places of un-life, it can be a hugely difficult return journey to the light.

Escape Velocity

Mustering up the energy and momentum to reach escape velocity might call us to sacrifice everything. Everything.

The good news is that God understands and then the whole universe will conspire to help a person achieve her dream.

But every test will be presented along the way… to give her an opportunity to test her resolve… to decide if the dream is, in fact, her ultimately desired goal.

And then as the old adage goes: It is always darkest right before the dawn… the night will close in and she will be blinded in darkness.

That’s how the story always goes for the hero and heroine. Always. [Email me if you ever find a story or movie where that doesn't happen.]

It is not an easy journey for the soul, but it is necessary.

Because all of life is fragile and precious. It must be lived to its highest potential. And life is too short to live with un-life.

Whatever un-life you have in your daily routine, I hope you will choose to change it.

Change it or change you. Either way. Sometimes both are required. And change is hard. Trust me… I know.

If you need help, email or call me. I will help you reach escape velocity. I’m getting ready to strap on my own wings. We can fly together.

Brave Voyager Onward.

Have you ever stood on a beach in the shallowest part of a wave? When the water rolls in and out over your toes, your feet get gently sucked into the wet sand. And after a little while, it feels like the whole earth is moving below you. Stand there long enough and the combination of waves and moving sandscape knock you off even steady feet.

There’s a romantic notion associated with the wispy image of standing on a beach at sunset with the crashing waves and shifting sands… alone or in the arms of someone you love… a gentle salty breeze… the quiet of night descending and stars rising.

* * Snap out of it * *

This is not a tourism commercial! Those idyllic moments rarely happen. Except on The Bachelor. [but then how idyllic can it really be with a television camera following you all around?]

I have been living on shifting sand for a number of years now and I have to report that the romance fades outs pretty quickly.

Life is a beach!

But it’s a shifting / always-moving / ever-evolving beach… and standing still for too long definitely knocks you down on your butt.  I know this to be true.

Right now, I’d like to be standing on one big ‘ole rock!

My daughter took this pic of her friend Ryan rock-jumping in Capetown, South Africa.

Cone Zone

Cut scene to mountains… Colorado.

I spent a nice spring break and Easter holiday in Denver with my family.

I didn’t pay particular attention in the moment, but there were some major construction projects going on in the city along many roads that we typically travel down there. Like most commuters, I thought of the detours and traffic-jamming lane closures as supreme headaches and frustrating disruptions in my activities.

Then it dawned on me as we were driving to the airport on the last day: Cities are always under construction.

Every time I go back, something in Denver has changed or is under construction. I think this is probably true of most cities. Even the small ones. [There's a stretch of I-80 between Lincoln, Nebraska and Omaha that I swear has been a cone-zone for 30 years!]

On some level, big or bigger, perceptible or imperceptible, places change… either in our absence or our presence. Cities evolve.

And we hold that up as a sign of growth hopefully leading to greater prosperity.

iEvolve

Then the 20-pound brick fell on my head straight away.

People are always under construction too.

I am. Always evolving.
Perceptible or imperceptible.
Big or bigger.

There is reason and purpose for the sand constantly shifting under my feet. I am continually challenged to find a new balance because the world never stays the same.

I never stay the same. I am forever growing… hopefully leading to greater prosperity.

So my hope to be standing on a nice piece of big solid terra firma isn’t very realistic. Shouldn’t probably be on my list of expectations or even on my wish list.

Okay God… I’ll work harder at being happy on the beach.

I don’t think that’s accurate.  Risk-taker maybe… but not reckless.  I am very strategic and calculating… but not in a manipulative or creepy way.

I just have the ability to see down the road a few steps further than some people.  I didn’t ask for it… the blessing/curse just came pre-wired in my genes.  And yes… sometimes it’s a curse.  Predicting the future is highly over-rated.  It’s so much more enjoyable to just live in the moment.

But the gift of seeing a little beyond the edge of the flashlight’s beam gives me an extra dose of comfort-zone-ness to trust and leap into the unknown.  I guess some people might interpret that as recklessness.  I think it just makes me more willing to try new things… even when I’m not sure they will work.

This might not work.

I have endured my fair share of criticism.  I’m sure you have too.  Everyone has.  In fact, I cling to an old proverb:  If no one is complaining, then you’re not doing it right.

I learned early on that the best things in life require challenge and change.  And there is always someone nearby who resists both enough to say something loudly to the person who is upsetting their apple cart.

Sometimes my hare-brained schemes work… and sometimes they don’t.  But I always grow from the process of trying.  I value those lessons more than anything.  Because a failure means that the next time I try there is one less option to consider.

We have heard the great inventors of our time say similar things… Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein and the like.  And recently I re-visited this wise one-liner from Oscar Wilde:  Be yourself… everyone else is taken.  So I continue onward in the same vein.

Failure is an option.

Yea… but.

It doesn’t define us.  It doesn’t constitute our whole being.  It doesn’t even really affect us unless we allow it to intimidate us.

Although it sometimes does give others fodder to label us with words like ‘reckless’ or ‘foolish’, failure means that we have tried for something.  Success or no success isn’t the point.  It is the act of trying something new that ensures the personal growth.  And I am way more interested in rising above this mud-and-spit-human-muck-of-a-mess that I am than worrying about whether someone [who should know better] tells people to stay away from me because I might lead them to the dark side.  {yes… that really happened…}

What looks like sure-fire failure at the outset, often turns into triumph.  Take a cue from the events we will remember this Holy Week.

Failure is an option only for TRYer’s.  No TRY equals no worry.  I want to be known as a TRYer.

I spent this past weekend teaching a two-day class on technology and social media in ministry.  [If you haven't seen it yet and want to... key here is 'want to'... you can learn more about my new projects here:  LanePlane.com.  There is always something cooking on the stove in my world.]

As is typically the case, there were lots of opportunities to practice patience and compassion.  I think we all have those moments where we can choose to react negatively or positively.  In fact, I am never without another chance to perfect the skill in the moment.  I am starting to think that this is the whole of the spiritual life… to forgive and reconcile for offenses great and small… conscious and unconscious.

How about you?  Does God put lots of opps in your everyday path too?

Attempt at Holiness

I know that all of these kinds of encounters with people are meant to guide me down the road to real holiness.  I need to practice and re-practice the art of duck-ness… that is… letting the hurts roll off my back without presuming that people are intentionally malicious.  Sometimes they are… I have come face-to-face with some truly mean-spirited people.  [As an aside, I don't recommend hanging out with them any longer than is absolutely necessary.  They just drag you down and make you sad... and honestly, who needs that?]

But the art of duck-ness is a very important skill to craft.  It comes in mighty handy, usually when you least expect it.

The Art of Duck-ness

I started the second day of the tech class with a prayer service that I call:  Dwell in Possibility.  It’s a powerful prayer for me because it came from a very painful time in my life… a time when all I could do was keep breathing and dwell in the possibility that better days were coming.

After a whole day of learning about how to use social media for ministry, I framed our prayer in the context of this question:  What seems more possible to you now for your ministry work?

There is always a person in a class like this that you can’t read nor predict what they are thinking or feeling.  Sure ’nuff…. she was the first one to speak and said:

Well, nothing seems more possible because I didn’t learn anything new yesterday.

There was literally an audible gasp around the room… and I could read the faces of everyone else as they thought silently:  I can’t believe she said that out loud!

Then… I went into a dream sequence… just like the ones in movies that last 15 minutes or longer in dream time but really only a flash of a second passes in real life.  I was flying through every activity we had done the day before, wondering how she could have not learned anything new.  Really?  Nothing?  Not even a tidbit?  Impossible.  [... with God all things are possible... hmmm...]

Without skipping a beat, I said to her:  Okay  [even though we were still in the dream sequence]…   Someone else… what feels more possible today?

She was waiting for my reaction… but there wasn’t one.  I was proud in that moment to be an authentic duck.  And it was only because I’ve taken advantage of so many other opportunities to practice.  Thank you Jesus.

Only the False Self Takes Offense

When I was at the National Conference for Catholic Youth Ministry back in December, I was lucky to sit in on a session by Fr. Richard Rohr… check out the Center for Action and Contemplation if you haven’t seen it.  And I heard him say this:

Only the false self takes offense.

So I’ve been going back to that wisdom again and again to assess my own duck-ness.  And it’s true… only my false self feels the sting and hurt from the inconsiderate or ignorant or plain rude people that I encounter regularly.  So the art of duck-ness actually is helping my false self to shrink.  I am moving toward a greater degree of wholeness and holiness.  [Definitely not there yet but I'm making progress.]

So I just share that with you all today in the hopes that you too will become a Mighty Duck!

Peace.

I usually start my day pretty early in the morning… almost always it’s still dark when I roll out of bed.  Today… like I do every morning on chilly days, I pulled on my sweat pants and my slippers.  I went to make some coffee but something just wasn’t right.  [Because it was before coffee... it took a few moments for my brain to figure out what was off.]

Sure enough… my sweat pants were on backwards.  And when I took them off… I saw that my slippers were on the wrong feet.  Great!  This is going to be a fun-filled day.

Naturally, I started reflecting on what was in store.

Rock ‘n Worship

Last weekend, I went to Sacramento with some friends to The Rock and Worship Roadshow!  (<– click to go to their website)  It was pretty epic!

A collection of some of my favorite Christian music bands all playing the same show… combining their concert-style performances with prayer / faith-sharing / stories and roughly 17,000+ people.  The kicker?  Admission = $10.

MercyMe takes the stage!

What I had forgotten…

… is how much I love music.   I felt a little sad when I realized that I haven’t listened to some of these guys for a while.  And some puzzle pieces started fitting into place… music fills my soul and feeds my spirit.  No wonder I’ve been feeling empty.

Bart Millard is the lead singer for MercyMe… if you can pick him out in the photo, he’s the guy near the center with the hat.  [If you follow him on Twitter then you know that he's quite the funny character.]  He shared some great stories near the end of the night… reflections on his song titled “Beautiful”.

Seems he wrote it for his two daughters… from a dad who wants to help them grow into strong, confident women without the baggage of trying-to-be-what-the-world-says-they-should-be.  It’s a great song for everyone.  I’d recommend an iTunes download for you.

Figure out who you are and everything changes.

Towards the end of his storytelling, Bart pulled out that one-liner and I melted a little inside… because I have forgotten.  Or maybe it’s just time for me to re-learn or learn anew.  Figure out who I am.

I have changed profoundly over these past couple of years.  On the inside.  Unless you’ve known me for a long long time, you probably wouldn’t notice.  But I’ve noticed.

I’m just not thinking and acting like I used to… my perspectives are different… how I see the world has changed… my attitudes and insights have shifted… my OS has been upgraded.  [operating system, that is.]

I need to take all this into some quiet time… and some dark… because that is where I do my best prayer.

Next time, I’m going to make sure I put my sweat pants on right though.  It’s so annoying when they’re on backwards.

Peace out.